Enjoying yet another must for women of the world--My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding. Jessica is over for the evening to enjoy dinner and a movie. A nice refresher after a busy weekend.

No Halloween activities tonight. I took in the festivities Saturday night at the Galyon's costume party. Lot's of fun complete with pumpkin carving and from what I hear a very exciting fire display. (I missed it because I left early, but I heard that they really set the party on fire!)

Sunday was TLC (Together with Love in Christ) an event where many of the churches in the Portland/Vancouver area get together at the Oregon Convention Center for Sunday morning services. Crazy activities, but all in all a good time.

But the thing most important to share with you is a prayer request for one of our youth kids. Dante, 15, went in to the hospital at the end of last week--gall bladder problems. However, they also discovered that his lymph nodes are swollen. They suspect that he might have lymphoma. We'll know for sure after the biopsy. Dante is an incredibly smart guy with a good family, but for a while now he has been hanging out with the wrong crowd. Please pray for Dante and his family. Pray especially for mom Beverly. She loves her kids a lot and wants the best for them.

Thanks for your prayers!

Learning to Love the Hard Way

In the last day or so, I have been thinking a lot about the people in my life that are "hard to love." (I hope you are not sitting there thinking, "Oh, that's me. I'm hard for her to love me." If you are, then please talk to me!) Each of these people that I struggle to love, I struggle to love for a different reason--some I feel that I have been crossed by, some grate on my nerves, some I simply don't understand. I wish that it was easy for me to love these people. I wish that they had never hurt me or that they didn't do the things they do that drive me crazy. I wish I could look at them and first see someone created by our God and someone who Jesus died to save--someone as torn and broken and ugly as I am, someone that ultimate grace and ultimate love is freely offered to. But I confess that I first see the irritating things that make me sometimes annoyed at their vary existence.

What irritates me even more is that as much as I am annoyed and frustrated by these people, Jesus loves them a hundred times more. I can't comprehend how He could possibly love someone that irks me so much. But He loves them all the same and He died for them as much as He died for me.

So what do you do with that? How do I begin to love them like God loves them? How do I let go and learn to love them--yes, even though they are hard to love and sometimes, it seems, impossible to love?

I guess the truth is that if love truly is a verb and verbs are actions that require thought and choice to make that action, then love must be a choice as well as a verb. That must mean that I--who have control of my actions, who can choose to be reactive or proactive towards people--can choose to love them. I can choose to let go of the things that vex me. I can choose to not let the injuries that they may cause, change who I am or how I see them--as a child of God. I guess that's what Jesus did when He prayed, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

So maybe as I choose to become more Christ-like, as I choose to allow the Spirit to work on me, as I choose to learn and grow, then I learn how to choose to love them despite it all. Maybe as I work on me, then they become easier to love simply because I am becoming one with Christ. I can't change them, I can only change me and how I respond to them and how I see them.

Father, give me the courage to change who I am. Give me the courage to be like-minded with Christ. Give me the courage to learn how to love those who it is hard for me to love. Teach me how easy it is to love them because I am growing and walking with You. Father, grow me that I might love them. Father, forgive me for not loving them. Forgive me for my lack of willingness to learn to love them. Forgive me for my selfishness. Humble me before You, Lord, I want to love You and I want to love Your people. Amen.

Jim and Mary

Tonight was a different night for our life group (PUMP adult small groups that meet for fellowship and Bible study). Instead of study, we piled into our cars and headed to a nursing home in SE Portland. There we met, sang with, and prayed over Jim Grace.

We have been praying for Jim for a long time. His wife Mary is the best friend of our hostess Shirley Gary. Both are beautiful women who love the Lord so much. He has been very good to them and they both can tell you amazing stories about the grace of God.

Recently Jim and Mary have gone through quite a bit of trauma. Jim suffered a stoke and has been in a nursing home for several weeks. Last week, he was moved to the hospital for surgery--they had to amputate two of his toes. Mary, who is raising her four-year-old grandson, also went into the hospital last week. All of the stress she was under weakened her body and she had caught a bad infection. We then found out that Mary's brother was also in the hospital due to throat cancer. He has since been moved to a nursing home. In addition to all of this, Mary's son is in prison, and her daughter is an alcoholic and struggles with drug addictions. In the midst of all her family, all struggling, Mary is the only believer.

After watching Jim tonight and seeing his tears as we sang to him, I believe that Jesus is standing at the door fervently knocking. He wants Jim as one of His own and has wanted him for a long time. Please be praying for Mary and Jim. Pray for healing for all the hurts in their lives. Pray that Jim would accept Christ and that their children would accept Him. Pray also for their grandson as I am sure he is very confused and afraid at this time. Thanks for your prayers.

Pride and Prejudice

It's a lovely day in Portland! The sun is shining, it's a beautiful 70 degrees. A fine day. I have to say on such a day, a rarity in these parts, that I would normally find an outdoor activity to bring further enjoyment to the day. However, there were already great indoor plans made for this day...

We (Emily, Jessica, Christense, and I) are about two hours into a six hour movie marathon! Six hours--one movie. Pride and Prejudice. This is the A&E mini-series that aired in 1995. Why do we invest such time in this movie? Because we are hopeless romantics and we are women!

My first introduction to P&P came from my college roommate, Rachel. Homework breaks (especially during finals) meant runs to Texaco for 64oz. sodas (the caffeine fix being necessary) and M&M's (peanut for me), popping in tape 4 or 5 (we had the VHS version then) for the two best episodes of the mini-series, and pining away after Mr. Darcy aka Colin Firth.

Now we are giving Jessica her first introduction to P&P--the appropriate christening of a college freshman. The tradition and the obsession continues...

Seeking Truth in the Relationship

Since chatting with Ike last week (goodness, was it just last week!), I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be in relationship with God.

Really, let's be honest, can we really be in "relationship" with God in the way that we are in relationship with our mom or our best friend? It's a nice sounding idea. But quite frankly, I expect Meagan, my best friend, to call and check in every once in a while. I expect for her to come visit me and for me to go visit her. I expect to have lengthy conversations with her in which we discuss our lives and in which we bounce ideas off of one another.

But God is a whole different story...God doesn't call me up on the phone or even email. He doesn't come to visit me or I to visit Him, with the exception of a metaphorical sense. And the conversations that we have seem at times to be a trifle one-sided.

Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not trying to limit God's absoluteness or His ability to be in relationship with me. But what I am saying is that it is hard for me to be in relationship with Him because I can't be in relationship with Him on my terms. There are no phone calls or visits here. It's all about the time I spend in the Word or in prayer. Or is it...

As we discussed last week being in relationship with an essentially invisible and inaudible God, Ike came to a new conclusion that maybe the problem is the way we see the problem. Maybe God is not invisible and inaudible, maybe we are blind and deaf. (Read Ike's thoughts here.) Maybe we are all Helen Keller's seeking out our Anne Sullivan--our own teacher to help as communicate with what is outside our blindness and our deafness--seeking to communicate with the infinitely visible and audible God.

In light of that, it is easy for me to understand why sometimes my relationships with people bear a greater weight in my life than my relationship with God. It is easy to understand why sometimes I am more dependent on them than I am on an omniscient God who knows far more about me than I could ever know about Him. In my blindness and deafness, I can see them, touch them, hear them. But I can't always see the ways God expresses Himself to me. I can't always here His gentle whisper or even His roaring thunder. I confess that I am more dependent on some of these relationships with people than I am on my relationship with God. I confess that some of these relationships are on their way to becoming idols in my life. And I confess that I desperately want them torn down before they become that. I also confess that I don't necessarily know how to tear down those soon-to-be idols. I confess that I need God to do the tearing down, and that I need Him to place Himself securely on the throne of my heart. I confess that I need Him to teach me to overcome my blindness and my deafness. I confess that I'm dumb sheep and that I need a shepherd.

Lord, make me incredibly aware of you! Where my eyes fail, enliven me to Your touch. Where my ears fail, awake me to Your aroma. Where every sense fails, teach me to taste and see that You are good. Tear down all idols and would-be idols in my life. Be the shepherd that I need You to be. Lead me on clear paths, teach me to feed on Your Word, and whet my thirst on Your streams of mercy. I love you, Lord, and I'm praying to want nothing more than You everyday that You give me.

Carpet Fiasco!

Since living in Portland, I have taken residence in two different apartments. Both of these apartments shared the same fatal flaw--hideously ugly, odorous, brown carpet. My first apartment, which I shared with then roomie Cheronn, had nasty shag that would come up between your toes and exposed carpet tacks. The thing literally needed to be mowed! We initially, believing that if it was cleaned the smell would go away, decided to keep the carpet in order to have lower rent. But then it became a hazard--tripping on the carpet seams that were coming apart, smelling noxious fumes, and fearing that some sweet child coming to visit would be impaled by a carpet tack or would decide to eat carpet fibers freshly plucked! So we asked our landlord to replace it and started paying higher rent every month--it was worth it!

Having learned my lesson in the first apartment, as soon as I saw, and smelled, the carpet in my new apartment, I asked about getting it replaced. Of course my landlord, being the thrifty man that he is, decided the carpet would be fine if it was cleaned and deoderized. (Have I mentioned that the smell literally could have knocked you out with one whiff?) So the carpet was cleaned, oh well, at least it wasn't shag...

But as the weeks passed, I slowly began to notice a familiar pungent aroma, subtle at first but growing ever stronger. I knew that I could not survive living in the full force of the aroma, so I kindly asked my landlord, again, about replacing the apartment. This time he agreed. Obviously it was the pad that smelled so bad--imagine urine and a musty gym bag. So last weekend the new carpet came...

Well, it came in spurts. Initially, it was supposed to be replaced on Friday. But the carpet layers were in a car accident and we had to reschedule for Saturday. Inconvenient, yes, but not too horrible. It was slightly inconvenient that everything I owned--books, knick-knacks, electronics, small furniture, etc.--was crammed into the kitchen leaving just enough room to crack open the refrigerator! But I managed for one night.

Saturday rolled around, and I looked forward to lovely new carpet that would take 3 hours to install. They were supposed to be there by 11am. But the clock ticked on. Around 1:30pm one guy finally showed to take a look at the house and see the magnitude of the job (not a huge job as my apartment is not huge). Then he left for another hour to go get his buddy so that they could get started. The old carpet did not actually start coming out until around 3pm. At 6:30pm Emily and I left to go get dinner (yum, Chili's). I assume the carpet guys left around 7pm, but who knows. When we arrived home after dinner, my apartment was in complete disarray! All of the closet doors were shoved into the bathroom. My furniture was piled up against the wall. Carpet tacks, carpet excrement, tools, and trash everywhere! Those of you who know me well can only imagine the stress that this caused me!

They were supposed to be back at 7am Sunday morning to finish the job. 7am, I rolled off the couch were Emily graciously let me sleep and went to open the apartment for them. I then went back to shower and dress for church--being that I could not enter my bathroom, I had to borrow Emily's toiletries with the exception of a toothbrush (I luckily had an extra one in the linen closet)! 8am came, I left to pick-up kids in the church van. 9am came, still on the van. 10am came, I went to teach class. 11am came, and they finally showed! By 5pm they were finally done, packed up all their stuff--leaving empty coffee cups, water bottles, and carpet tacks embedded in various sections of the carpet for me to later step on--and were gone!

All and all, a harrowing experience, but the lovely smell and feel of my new carpet makes it all worth it!

Over-Used Words

The word "community" is an over-used word. I can't tell you how many times I have heard it and said it in the last week. And honestly, I think that I have lost all understanding for what the word truly means. Or worse yet, did I ever really know what it means?

com·mu·ni·ty Sharing, participation, and fellowship.

At least that's one definition (for the full definition, click here).

"Sharing, participation, and fellowship." Sharing in life, participating in life, fellowshipping in life. I can't help but think that we do few of those well. We seem to be very good at putting up the pretense of "community," but how much of that is true in your life grit? How much do our online communities, political communities, lifestyle communities, neighborhood communities, and church communities really mean that I am in your life--I know your stories, you know my stories, we weep together, we laugh together, we provide meaningful relationship for one another that doesn't allow for us to be lonely in a world full of easy-to-find, easy-accessess, one-step community trials?

Being as my thoughts are not fully wrapped around this subject yet, it might be best to lead you to an article that presents the subject much better than I can. Mike Cope recently wrote an article for Christian Standard on the subject that you can read here.

Mostly, I guess what I am saying is that I personally want to be better about community and building community.

Lord, help me to be a person that knows people. That I know what makes them laugh and what makes them cry. That I share what makes me laugh and what makes me cry. That I know their stories--the stories that make them who they are. And that they know my stories. Father, teach me the meaning of community and show me how to share, participate, and fellowship within community. Amen.

Here's some good thought provoking suff. Take a little time out and read it here...

The South vs. The Northwest

So, my last few entries have been rather intense and thought provoking so this is something on the lighter side.

After Kristi's recent trip to Nashville, she posted some random observations that she made of the "South." As she stereotypically compartmentalized my homeland into the ostentatious box of Nashville, TN--let's face it, Nashville is the flashiest Southern city ever--Emily and I felt the need to share our thoughts on the Northwest. Check out Kristi's thoughts and our comments here.

Disclaimer: Please note that this is all in good fun! We just needed to be proud Texans for a minute!

Paradigm Shift...

Have you ever realized in the midst of a conversation that you are taking part in something that will forever change your life--a character-shaping conversation that is asking you to shift your paradigm to see the world in a new light, a conversation in which you know you will never be able to look at the world in the same way as you did that morning? Have you ever been in a conversation that strips you of an old paradigm and asks you to move forward in a new paradigm, a conversation that makes you question whether or not you have the character to move forward in that paradigm?

I had that conversation today...

Emily and I have been studying together out of a book called Restoring At-Risk Communities by John Perkins. Perkins is a man who has been instrumental in pulling together CCDA and has done ground-breaking work in the area of race reconciliation. If you haven't ever read anything that he has written, do.

This last week we studied through the chapter in the book that is specifically focused on race reconciliation and ended (or began, depending on how you look at it) the study today with a several hour conversation with Steve Maxwell, a good friend and a minister at PUMP.

Steve and his wife Alasha are some of my closest friends. I was there when their son Jonah was born, they frequently refer to me as their "other child", and I spend a lot of my life at their home and visa versa. Oh, by the way, Steve and Alasha are black. Normally, this point doesn't matter, but today it does. Normally when I think of Steve and Alasha, I think of them as my friends and my family, as people who are an intrical part of my daily life. But as I read, I discovered something that is relevant to the material that I was studying: Steve and Alasha are black. Jonah, one of the cutest babies in the whole wide world, is black. And whether I like it or not, Satan has found a way to separate and divide us through the color of our skin. And he's found ways to make us, all of us, think that we aren't racist and that we don't have racial problems anymore. But the truth is, I am a racist. I am a racist because I am addicted to myself--my own culture, my own values, my own comfort zones. I am addicted to the things that make me feel safe, and it doesn't feel safe a lot of the time to know people as people and not hues.

So why can I, a racist, be friends with Steve and Alasha? Because of Jesus Christ. Because Jesus told me to "love my neighbor," and he said that commandment is like the first--"to love God with your heart, soul, mind and strength"--he said that everything hangs on those two commandments. I can be in relationship with them because I have related the Gospel in who I am and have related my story to them. Because they have related the Gospel in who they are and have related their stories to me.

The truth is that the Gospel story, and only that story, can heal the rift between the races--black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Arab, Jew, Samaritan. The only thing that can heal the rift is us, who have the Gospel story written on us, taking the step to build relationship with our neighbor even when he is beaten and bloody and on the side of the road. Us giving up our self-addiction and learning to love our neighbor, and us recognizing that our neighbor is not only those who look just like us and live next door to us.

So why has this conversation so altered my paradigm? Because I know that everyday is an opportunity for me to relate, to form relationship. Everyday is an opportunity to share the gospel story and give up my self-addiction. Everyday is an opportunity for me to make a difference and reclaim the beauty Satan has destroyed, reclaim it for the glory of God. Because I now know that I can help people to see their neighbor. Because I can now encourage everyone I know to give up their self-addiction.

Lord, this is deeper than I ever knew. It is more painful than I was willing to believe. But don't let me see the world through out-dated paradigms that keep me caught in self-addiction. Father, I want to love people. I want to love my neighbor. Teach me to relate the Gospel and to relate my story. Teach me to build relationship that goes deeper than any of the comfort zones and false gods that I set up. Father, make me humble before men that they may see my good deeds and praise You, my Father in Heaven.

Hats Off

This morning in adult class (yes! I'm actually in adult class right now--not teaching any kids classes. It's a new and strange thing!), we broke up into groups and discussed with each other the things in our lives that are keeping us from God or the things that are distracting us from Him. This has been a topic that has been on my heart a lot in the past few weeks. So I thought that since I am still meandering through my thoughts on the subject, I would share some of them with you.

Our group basically came to the conclusion this morning that the greatest thing that keeps us from God is ourselves--our mindset, our paradigm, our own general selfishness. For me the greatest form of this that I have been aware of is all the various roles I play. I am a church member, a daughter, a neighbor, a program director, a friend, an individual--and I could continue to ramble those off for a while. I feel like I am consistently taking off one hat to put on another hat, scrambling to have the right hat and the right priority at the right time. But the more I look at God and what He created us for, I don't believe that this role-playing bit lines up with Him.

Go way back to creation. What were the commands that God gave Adam? To be fruitful and multiply and to cultivate the earth. Right? But I can't find anywhere that God says, "cultivate the earth from 8 to 5 and be fruitful and multiply outside of that time." I can't find anywhere that God says, "put on this hat for a while and then put on this hat." This troubles me. Because it seems that Jesus called us to follow him and that everything in our life is to be lived out of that following. So every role I have must be an extension of who I am in Christ. And right now, that's just not the case. Right now, my role as "child of God", "follower of Christ", Christian is just another hat I put on. It's not the role out of which all other roles flow.

So my question is, how do we in a modern world full of all sorts of hats--cowboy hats, derbies, baseball caps--stop putting hats on and just live out the one role that we have been called to? I would enjoy your thoughts on this one. I want to simplify my life and just know Jesus. How do we really simplify in today's modern/post-modern world?

Making a Life Change

I have made a huge first step in my life! As of today, I have officially been an L.A. Weight Loss member for one week! It's time to be proactive and make a positive change in my life!

This for me is not about loosing weight. It's not about reaching a goal weight or fitting into a certain pair of jeans. This is not about dissatisfaction with my physical appearance.

In the last week, I have had many people tell me "you don't need it" or "you look great as is." And those folks are right. From a weight loss stand point, I don't need it. But this for me is about creating new habits, making a life change. For so long food has been an idol in my life. I began using it for comfort when I was young and that became habit in my life. This is not healthy.

Okay, the next few sentences may sound like a commercial: The reason I chose L.A. Weight Loss is that they are really about making a life change. After I loose the weight I would like to loose, they will stick with me for an entire year, helping me to not make it another yo-yo diet but to truly make it a lifestyle change.

It was about this time last year that I began counseling. I was in counseling for six months dissecting feelings of depression, self-hatred, and regret. In those six months, God worked hard to change the way that I perceive myself--He's still working on it. This is another part of the process. He's shown me that in order to love others well, I have to love myself well. This is another step toward loving myself well. Even more, this is tearing down an idol in my life, food, which has been sitting on God's throne in my heart!

Please pray for me as I'm making this change in my life. I'm also praying that if any of you have idols in your life, you will begin to tear them down. I just want Jesus! It's that simple. So I'm removing anything in my life that is keeping me from Him! I pray that I will continue to have courage to tear down the idols in my life!

Challenge of Community

Tonight, Emily and I had our neighbors Anna and Franklin over for dinner. This was my first time to spend any quality time with them, and it is an experience I will never forget...

Franklin is from Cameroon. For those of you who are geographically challenged like I am, Cameroon is basically in the armpit of Africa. I'll be honest that I knew very little about Cameroon before meeting Franklin beyond that it was a French providence at one time. I still know very little, but Lord willing I will learn more as the journey with our new friends and neighbors progresses.

Anna met Franklin while she was in the Peace Corp. He lived next door to her and began watching out for her. Franklin moved to the States about three years ago, and they were married six months later. They are incredible people, and a great joy to be around. Something wonderful just flows out of their mannerisms. Something very genuine and appealing.

It was amazing to listen to Franklin talk of Cameroon and his experiences of life--from playing world class soccer to walking to school. His experiences in life are so different from mine. This is an athlete who literally had no shoes to play in until his team was sponsored when they went to a major tournament. He and his teammates literally slept with those shoes because they were so precious to them. Franklin and Anna talked a lot about the schools in Cameroon--mud brick buildings with 60-70 students crammed into one class. Two or three textbooks to share between all of them. Anna told of a grant she had received in order to by textbooks for one of her classes. The school sold over half of the thirty texts (one per two students) in order to make money for other necessities. Franklin joked about the t-shirts they wore for jerseys, so faded and worn that you could see straight through them. These shirts were passed back in forth between the various athletic teams at their school--soccer, girls volleyball, handball, etc.

The stories and conversation we shared tonight were wonderful, but what amazed me the most tonight was Franklin's attitude toward the lot that life has handed him. As I listened to him, I found myself thinking of us spoiled, selfish Americans caught up in our greed and materialism when $10 could send a child to school in Cameroon for a full year. But Franklin only saw the different burdens that we suffer from. He said that he never felt impoverished growing up because that was just life--you don't realize it until you step out of it for a minute. He recognized that Cameroon is physically impoverished, but America's poverty is a poverty of community and relationship. We aren't in each others lives and homes the way Franklin's culture is. As he described it, in Cameroon everyday is Friday. On Friday we look forward to the weekend ahead and are excited that the work week is ending. In Cameroon, every day has that feeling.

I couldn't help feeling as I was listening to Franklin describe the community of Cameroon that this non-Christian man was describing what Jesus meant for the church to be. A body of people who were deep in each others lives, just walking into peoples homes without knocking, stopping to talk with someone because that someone was more important than whatever task they were working on. That what is most important is always the people. It's enjoying life. It's knowing Jesus, and making disciples.

I wish I had the courage in our individual and independent prioritized culture to just walk into my neighbors home. I wish I had the courage to just walk into my neighbors life. I wish I had the courage to live in community the way that Jesus called us to.

Lord, give me the courage!

Twenty-Something

Back in Portland after a too sweet trip to my hometown. Mostly too sweet due to my sweet nephew! To see pictures from my trip, click on my Flickr badge.

It's strange to be a single twenty-something. There is a rift in you between a family who loves you and the independent life you now lead. Somehow, it is this in between time in which you are anticipating the next thing to come--whether that be a family of your own, the next career change, the next move, or whatever--and haven't really let go of the things behind--whether that be school, family, an ex, or a hometown. Jamie Cullum describes being a twenty-something in his song appropriately titled "Twenty-Something." The song very adequately describes us.

What exactly am I "supposed" to be doing? Discovering myself, right? Discovering the world? Adding to the gross national product? Putting my hard earned degree to valuable use? Finding a spouse? There is a long, long list that society has for me--just as there was a long list as a high school and then college student and I'm sure there will be for being a thirty-something and a sixty-something. The thing is, I'm not really buying into that list anymore. Somehow the lists are missing truth. They are missing beauty. They miss the essence of what we were created for.

What were we created for? To know God, to love Him and to love people. Jesus said love your God and make disciples. He didn't demand of the Samaritan woman to marry the man she was living with. He didn't tell the healed cripple go get a job now that he could earn his keep. He didn't insist that the rich young man keep climbing the ladder in order to get even more to give to the poor. All he said to these people was give what you have. Thank God, love Him!

Life is about Jesus--knowing him, loving him, following him. That's it! Out of knowing, loving, and following, we make disciples and are ourselves transformed in the image of Christ. I just want Jesus. And as a twenty-something that leaves me just where we all should be--in the midst of a loving God!

Meeting Benjamin

Greetings from Lubbock, Texas! Yes, I made it here safely and last night, I met my nephew for the very first time. My sister cried, I nearly did, and Benjamin let out a few wails of, in my opinion, pure delight at meeting his Aunt!

I have now changed two diapers and rocked him to sleep once. I've changed lots of diapers over the years, but I had more fun changing those two than I know I ever have had before. It could be the diaper rash remedy my sister's pediatritian gave them--one part butt paste, one part Mylanta. Yes, that's right Mylanta. I don't know if it actually works, but in case any of you mom's out there want to give it a try...

So, Benjamin has my sister's nose and dimples (at least we think he has dimples, it's hard to tell yet) and the rest of him is all Jake. He has this great, little mad face when he gets upset that looks exactly like his father. He's also done a few things that remind me of my grandfather. My favorite thing is that when he smiles he kind of smirks like Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones. I'll post more pictures to Flickr when I get the chance. I'm sure I will take a lot over the next few days!

Sad as it is...

Sad as it is, what am I doing right now? I'm watching Toy Story--yes, the 10th anniversary DVD came out today. I now own it, and am watching it. Can I just say that I am not old enough for Toy Story to have come out 10 years ago! I am way too young for things such as this to be having 10th anniversaries! Really, I was in college a minute ago, high school a minute before that, and junior high the minute before that. I was thirteen years old when PIXAR hit the big screen! Yes, that makes me only 23 now, but I need to have a "wow, I'm old moment!" I recognize that I am still quite young and naive and that I will have many of these moments over the coming years, but really, I need to express it right now.

Toy Story will always be one of my favorite movies. It's just a great flick with a great story line. Toy Story 2, also a great flick, is another favorite. I don't think I realized I was thirteen when it came out until I saw the advertisement for it and subtracted. (Good advice: If you like thinking that you have always been as young as you are now, never subtract!) Honestly, I don't remember much about being thirteen. I'm sure I had the same struggles and difficulties of any adolescent, and I'm sure that my parents were in charge of most major decisions for my life. My decisions included what clothes to put on in the morning and whether or not to do the responsible thing and make my bed.

Not so anymore! Now I have to choose to make my bed, what to wear, what to fix for dinner, what time to get up in the morning, to get up in the morning, what expenditures are important, what ones aren't, how to set up the monthly budget, etc., etc., etc. I kind of liked the simplicity of it all, but then I kind of like the complexity of it all now. At least I always get to pick which movie to watch! And tonight, it's Toy Story!

Donald Miller

Last night Emily and I went to a reading by Donald Miller, the author of Blue Like Jazz, at a Christian bookstore up in Vancouver. Blue Like Jazz has been producing a subtle undercurrent through Christian circles and some non-Christian circles. The book is not mainstream, religious-right, Christianity--and has received much flack for it--but the book has impacted me in ways that I cannot even begin to tell you. If you haven't picked it up yet, do. Even if you don't agree with Don and his impressions of Christianity and Jesus, it will impact how you see Jesus and give you a great understanding of Portland and the Northwest. (Don lives in Portland, and the culture of Portland is all over the pages of the book.) Not to mention, he's a fabulous writer!

It was an awesome evening! Don's amazingly down to earth, and it was almost like sitting down in his living room to have a fireside chat. He read excerts from his new book Through Painted Deserts, which journals his journey from Houston, TX (where he grew up) to Portland, OR--a tale which Emily and I could certainly identify with. As I sat and listened to Don last night, God continued to work in me the good work He is working in me. This is what God is currently teaching me:

It's all about Jesus! Nothing else matters. All of our religiousity, all of our 1, 2, 3 steps to absolute happiness or deeper faith or to the godly man of our dreams are fabricated elements of modern society's need to categorize and organize everything into neat, pretty packages. Jesus isn't a neat and pretty package! He gives us a hard call to pick up our cross! He's dangerous and bold! He doesn't fit in the boxes that we put Him in! I just want to believe Jesus! I just want to know that who I am is wrapped up in Him, and I want to share that with a few people along the way. I want people in my life who are making a disciple out of me, and I want people in my life to make disciples out of. I want to love the Lord, love my neighbor, and go make disciples. That's what Jesus asked me to do. That's what He asked all of us to do. I'm done with religion that gives me three major points and three major steps to having a greater whatever. All I need to have a greater whatever is Jesus. All I need is Jesus, and if He's not at the center of everything in my life, then what in the world am I doing it for!

As I look back at scripture, I don't see a complex, complicated Jesus. He was pretty straight forward with people. He didn't need to beat around the bush. He never said, here's three steps to not judging your neighbor--he just said don't judge. He never said if you follow these basic principles, you won't committ adultery--he just said don't do it. He spent a lot of time tearing down the rules, regulations, and legalities that the Pharisees had set up, and spent even more time just making it simple--the Sabbath was made for man, love the Lord, love your neighor, believe, believe, believe. Didn't Jesus say Himself that His yoke was easy and His burden was light? Why do we then have to make it heavy and complicated to get to Jesus? Why can't we just go to Jesus and be with Jesus?

I guess what I'm saying is that I just want a simpler faith. I don't have to understand the ends and outs of every scripture. I just have to believe the Word as true and seek for the words to be written on my heart. I don't have to understand why and how the Spirit is living in me. I just have to know that He is. Jesus made it simple for people to believe in Him--I want it to be that simple for me!

Praying for a simpler faith...

Rewrites and Edits

Emily and I spent the afternoon editing the Micah Project brochure and the website content. (For those of you who will check it out, the new website content is not published yet.) As we discussed and edited, we expressed a desire to share the call, share our passion, within the published word. I was reminded once again what a great opportunity this is--what a radical opportunity!

We are calling people to live a radically transformed life in an urban community. We are calling people to really heed the words "do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." This isn't child's play--it isn't an easy call! We're calling people who will be radically obedient to the call of Christ--to make disciples of all nations! I want studs--I want those who will be extreme in following the call! This is a chance to create disciples--to create a generation who know how to love the people of our cities, who know how to be Christ there! This is a chance to bring the Kingdom of God to a community that is starving spiritually, emotionally, and phsyically!

This is more than a year-long internship with an urban mission church. This is more than giving up a year of your life to Christ. This is giving your life to Christ! This is saying "not my will but thine!"

I believe in the work that God is doing here! I am honored to be a part of it! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Amber recently posted a few poems about Christ that impacted me. Check them out, and be impacted, as well.

Thoughts on Living Alone

For the first time ever, I am living by myself! I have been for about two months now. This is my place--see the two doors next to each other in the middle of the plex? Mine is the one on the right. Emily lives in the one on the left. Next door to the plex is the PUMP House. Talk about a short jaunt to work! So here's a few lessons I have learned about living alone:

1) You are the master and commander of your ship. You decide when and how to swab the deck, when to settle in for the night, when it's time to restock the food supply, etc.
2) You are also every hand on deck--could be a good thing or a bad thing depending on who you are. For those of you, my friends, who believe I have OCD, yes, it is a good thing for me.
3) Furniture is expensive. My books are getting very cozy on the floor of my office!
4) You are the DJ, the movie reel guy, and have full control of the remote.
5) You can choose to spend the night alone or you can choose to use that expensive cell phone you pay the bill for every month.
6) You can choose to go out every night, or you can choose to screen your calls, stay in, and pamper yourself.
7) When the neighbors are playing jazz music on the back porch, open all the windows, sit and enjoy!
8) Take joy in the little pleasures, ignore the little annoyances, and love the everyday joys!

That's the lessons I've learned thus far. I'm sure I'll be sharing more along the way!

Tag! You're it!

Tag was not one of my favorite childhood games; I was more of a Red Rover kind of gal! However, Kristi tagged me to share with you all my top ten music loves of the moment. Note this is just the moment because my tastes shift frequently! So here goes:

Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts
Breathe, Lisa McClendon
Keep Singing, Mercy Me
Mighty is the Power of the Cross, Chris Tomlin
Much of You, Steven Curtis Chapman
Your Love is Extravagant, Casting Crowns
Incomplete, Asa
Someone to Watch Over Me, George and Ira Gershwin
Making Memories of Us, Keith Urban
Mud on the Tires, Brad Paisley

Disclaimer: These are in random order, and honestly, I cannot guarantee that these are the top ten. It could be a totally different list tomorrow! I would like to point out, however, that their are THREE country artists that made the list. Those of you who know me well know that is a BIG deal!

So I say all that to say: Ryan Porche, Amber Lehmann, Trevor Rose, Jackie Beth Shilcutt, and Katey Earles--YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED!!! I am expecting to see some updates on music, and you must, therefore, tag five more people!