I was recently asked about my long absence from the blogging world (over 20 days since my last post). Why have I been so silent? I could blame it on a lack of time to post or busyness. But that would not be quite true. I could blame it on writer's block. But that would not be quite true either.
The truth is that my thoughts have been swirling so much that I hardly know what to write!
In six days time, I will clamor into my Blazer for the last time as a Portland resident--well, at least the last time in the foreseeable future. My thoughts on this are many, and I hardly know what to write to you all.
I don't think that the move hit home to me until this last weekend as I helped friends move into their new apartment. I suddenly realized that this would be me next weekend, but instead of moving a few blocks, I'm moving half-way across the country, again. I emphasize "again" because I am not exactly new to the cross-country move. After all, I moved from Abilene, Texas to Portland, Oregon less than two years ago. Plus the drives I took to Portland during my summers at ACU.
I remember well my last days in Abilene (and a little less well my last days in Lubbock prior to the ACU years). They were fast and furious, full of sentiment and excitement for the journey ahead. I remember a desire to "leave well," and at the time that meant forgoing sleep and my own sanity in order to pour into as many people as I could before leaving. I remember many amazing conversations with various friends and mentors. I remember a final trip to Longview to spend what I didn't know then would be my last moments with my grandfather. I remember saying goodbye to friends and family. Climbing in my Blazer and heading off into the wild blue yonder.
I left Abilene well. The Amanda I was then left Abilene very well. And I pray that the Amanda I am now will leave Portland equally well. I pray to go pouring out and pouring in. I pray to leave being poured into and accepting the love of so many around me. I pray to blaze forth into the new adventures that lay ahead of me in Colorado. I pray to leave not quite so exhausted, but saying what needs to be said and leaving unsaid what does not need to be said. I pray to fully enjoy the days of traveling with my father. I pray to leave without regret and to rejoice in all that God did in me and through me here. I pray to leave knowing that God goes before, with, and behind me. I pray to leave knowing my true identity--the child of the King, fully loved and fully know. I pray to leave as an apprentice of Jesus Christ.
Thank you to all of you who have walked with me on this journey in Portland. I look forward to many more times of rejoicing with you. Thank you to those who have supported me and prayed over my journey here. I look forward to your warm hugs and smiles and to sharing story after story with you. Thank you to my family who continue to support me in my radical escapades whatever state they might be in. Thank you to mentors who have walked with me in all parts of my journey here on earth. Thank you to friends who love me so unconditionally no matter how close they get to the ugly truth of my humanity. And thanks to the Lord, without whom I am nothing and through whom I can do everything.