Latest thoughts on the subject of me not liking God:
My counselor is an awesome woman and a very wise woman. I've been seeing Edith for about seven months now, and I'm extremely grateful to have that relationship in my life. We've discussed my dislike and lack of understanding of God several times, but the most profound thoughts thus far came out of last Monday's session.
Edith asked if perhaps the God I disliked wasn't God at all. Was it possible that what I disliked was a false image of God created by the pain, the fallacy, the legalism? Could the God I dislike so much actually be an idol rather than the true God?
Yes, I believe it is possible. In fact, I see now that the false God is exactly what I hate. The true God I want to know, I want to love.
As I've thought (and yes, even prayed) about this concept, I've been reminded of a favorite childhood movie The Never Ending Story. It is a story of a fantasy land that is continually altered and recreated through the workings of human imagination. However, this land, Fantasia, is being swallowed up by "The Nothing" because humans are forgetting what it is to imagine. (I hate to spoil the ending if you haven't seen it, but my analogy lies there. Thus, if you would someday like to watch it, stop here.) In the end, it is the imagination of one human boy, Sebastian, that can save Fantasia from being completed swallowed by The Nothing. He saves the day by giving the Empress of Fantasia a new name, creating new seeds of wonder and imagination in the land by which all of Fantasia can be created anew.
Like Sebastian, I think that I need to give God a new name or perhaps restore an old name that has been decimated by punitive thinking and language. God and I need to start afresh with a completely new idea of who He is, allowing the old idea to be swallowed by The Nothing.
It's a journey....what do you think?