Monday, August 07, 2006

"Ogre's are like onions," Shrek told Donkey. Well, people are like onions, too.

In fact, I think we are much more complex than a simple onion. There are parts of us--hurt parts of our souls from childhood trauma, horrific events, painful memories, etc.--that are like onions, as well. We carefully wrap those hurt parts in layer after layer of anger or sadness or antipathy to the point that healing the hurt is almost impossible.

Humans are like mutated onions.

In the last week, I have been peeling off the last few layers of protection around a core hurt that has needed healing for sometime. It has been a most painful process. But tonight the inside lay exposed before both myself and God.

There was a moment of decision. Do I accept the hurt, feel the hurt, confess the hurt, and allow God to heal it? Or do I wrap it back up in a new layer?

I seriously thought about the latter. For whatever reason, it felt safer. After all, we are dealing with a cosmic God here. He can be rather intimidating, and the truth is that the healing process can be rather painful--as a dear friend who recently had foot surgery can attest.

But I went with the former choice instead. While I can honestly say I'm not exactly joyous right now, I am hopeful and expectant of the healing to come. And more than this, I believe that a cosmic God is the only safe place to turn. I have proof in the love that He showed His son Jesus and in that love that was then turned upon us through grace.


Allan White said...

When it comes to emotional pain, I'm kinda glad I'm a guy. We can put our pain in little boxes - pockets between the onion layers, if you will - and open them later when events allow. I think it's a blessing of God's design, actually, to prevent us men from becoming paralyzed in crisis or battle.

Sometimes the "boxes" open up at odd times, though, when one leasts expects it. I've had a song on the radio or an unexpected sight of an old friend release a gusher.

Totally off-topic, but I wanted to tell you: every time I see that purple afghan that you made for Trinity, I think about you, knitting for what must have been days. Thanks for all the time you lavished on our daughter - she is a budding flower that has been nourished by the care and love of many.

suzylu said...

I've really had you on my mind the past couple of days and actually woke up two nights ago around 3am feeling a strong urge to pray for you. I don't know what the Lord is doing but I know that by your choice to allow Him to walk with you during this healing time - He will bless you abundantly, give you insight, wisdom and encouragment to share with others. I will continue to pray for you!
And off the topic too - we unpacked some more boxes and found the blanket you knitted for Kezia - she pulled it out of the box and shouted "MY BlANKET!". It was a great opportunity for me and Kez to pray for you as well!
Love ya~

Adam Wolfgang said...

uh, yeah, I don't even like onions.

Isn't it funny how the great powerful creator makes us want to cover ourselves? Kinda wierd. You'd think we would run naked to meet him, well metaphoriclly speaking. But I do just the same thing, hide.

Kinda reminds me of my favorite non-sung(sp) verse of a popular devo song: "Nakedness, nakedness is what I long for, nakedness is what I need."

Amanda Peterson said...

Isn't it sad that God's original design was for us to be naked before Him. No hidden layers. Just us as we are. Then sin got in the way, and now we feel the need to hide from Him, ourselves, and everyone else.