On the road again...I've spent the last two weeks touring Texas from the Big Country (aka Abilene area), to the forests of East Texas, and back into the DFW area.

I'm back in Lubbock for a few days until I head to Colorado Springs on Wednesday. I have my third interview with Barnes and Noble on Thursday with the district manager. Hopefully if all goes well I will be hearing soon whether they are offering me the job.

Just a few highlights from my trip:

Abilene:

• Barbarian night at Patrice's: no dinnerware of any sort, all things must be eaten with the hands, one napkin allowed, almost always serve something incredibly messy like spaghetti, invite everybody.
• Walking in on a good friend's retirement party, and thus seeing all my old profs in one fell swoop.
• Seeing all the strange new sites of Abilene: ACU renovations, new businesses and resturaunts, constructionless highways.
• Catching up with lots and lots of folks.

Ore City (Small town East Texas outside of Longview):

• Spending a few days with my college roommate Rachel.
• Watching the goats walk by the back window every morning and catching baby goats.
• Steak and potatoes.
• Watching Rachel's cousin get baptized.

Arlington:

• Seeing Jonah walk for the first time.
• Waking up in the mornings to sit on the couch with Steve, Alasha, and Jonah.
• Seeing Ryan and Amy Gibbons and meeting their new little one Lily.
• Lots and lots of good eats.

I just finished perusing the latest issue of TIME. I'm not a big magazine person, but TIME is one of my guilty pleasures (if a news magazine can be called a "guilty pleasure").

This week: the 2006 edition of TIME's 100 most influential people, including everyone from George W. to the MySpace guys to P. Diddy.

The question I was left asking: What exactly makes a person "influential"?

TIME broke it down into five categories: leaders and revolutionaries, scientists and thinkers, heroes and pioneers, builders and titans, and artists and entertainers. I can't deny that every person they threw out (or at least the bios I read) have influence upon the world or in the least American culture. They also did not comment on whether their influence is for the good or the bad, thus why Avman al-Sawahiri (Bin Laden's No. 1) made the list.

What makes a person of influence? At first glance of TIME's list, you might say power, but then there's guys and gals on the list like Mike Brown, the guy who tried to demote Pluto. The farther I went through the list, I could not find a consistent theorem except that in one way or another, whether you heard about it or not, every person in some way made news in the last year.

I have to be honest that I don't think anyone on the list has much influence over me--at least not direct influence, there is certainly a trickle effect from the politicians, the Skype guys, etc. Persons of influence in my life? People who invest in me. People who build relationships with me. People who I invest in. My friends. My family. Ministers. Professors. People I find to be wise. People who love me. People who believe in me.

What about you? What makes a person of influence in your life?

Something that greatly irritates me about our bodies is that often times are bodies are smarter than our brains.

Yesterday I finally went to the doctor to see about my ear. The weekend I left Portland--almost three weeks ago--my inner ear started hurting. As I was in the middle of moving, I didn't take the time to go to the doctor and get it seen about then. So hoping that it was just drainage in my ear, I started taking sinus medication and hoped for the best.

Well, it worked, sort of. My ear never got any worse, but it never got any better either. Since being in Lubbock I have put off going to the doctor mostly out of laziness and not wanting to figure out who here would actually take my insurance.

But yesterday, I finally caved, mostly because I didn't want to deal with the occasional sharp pain anymore. The diagnosis? Nothing is wrong with my ear. The pain is actually coming from the hinge of my jaw. Most likely the pain is a symptom of clinching or grinding my teeth at night, which is probably a symptom of stress.

I have to be honest that I didnt think that I was under that much stress. But here comes the part were the body is smarter than the mind. My body could feel the tension even though my brain wasn't registering it.

So thank you body, and thank you God for forcing me to recognize the stress so that I can begin destressing. But did you have to do it in such a painful way?

I heard from Barnes and Noble today...that I have another interview on Friday.

It looks like this is going to be a bit of a process. In the mean time, I'm keeping myself busy playing with my cute nephew and my sister. I'm planning to do a little traveling across Texas next week. Abilene, Dallas, and possibly Longview. If you are in any of those areas, I'd love to see ya'!

Thanks for all the prayers about the job!

To update about the B&N interview:

The interview went very well. I got there and they asked the normal questions. Then the two mangers (store manager and the community relations manager) looked at each other and preceded to the second part of the interview.
In this second part, they told me that they would like to consider me for the community relations management position which will be opening up at the end of June. They told me all about the job and we talked a little more about details. Basically that means that I would be networking with nonprofits and schools to put on events and book fairs, building reading events for kids, bringing in authors for readings and signings, etc.

There are a few other candidates who are interviewing for the position. They are supposed to call me in 10 days in order to let me think through it and let them think of any other questions they might have.

Initially, I feel that it is a job that I would really enjoy, and am excited about the possibility. Please be praying over the decision process of both B&N and myself.

Initial Impressions of "the Springs"
Disclaimer: Please note that these are impressions based on 2 days wondering through the town and very little else.

I have been struck by the opposing forces of Colorado Springs.

Yesterday I felt the effects of culture shock. The conservative Christian values of the town can be clearly seen and heard; a great shock to the system after two years living in liberal Portland, OR. While driving around, I saw a truck with an explicit statement written on the tailgate, but I suppose out of reverence for conservative values, the owner had kindly edited his own statement with the following: "F*!#". I knew had I been in Portland the four letters of the word would be clearly displayed. Radio stations have bleeped words that I never would have thought of bleeping. During a local radio morning show, they even referred to sex as "baking" (not a Christian station).

Yet, walking around downtown this afternoon I saw many who clashed with the conservatism around them. I felt at home walking past skaters and thugs of all sorts. I felt a strong backlash against conservative Christiandom as we visited the shops of Manitou Springs--mysticism and witchcraft popping up everywhere. There is even an anti-war demonstration set-up near our hotel, reminding of similar scenes I have seen at Reed College and elsewhere in Portland.

I greatly enjoy downtown Colorado Springs. It has the feel of small town Colorado. Walking its streets, you quickly forget the sprawling urban setting you are in. Colorado Springs is a city of approximately 300,000. By 2010 it is expected to surpass Denver in population (Denver proper, not the complete metro area). But in downtown, you feel none of this.

Fuller Colorado is located in this area. This morning my father and I met with Lindy and got to see the "campus" or rather the suite of the office building it is located in. I liked it a lot and feel that I will do well in the small setting (class sizes ranging from 15-30).

On a completely other note, I ask for your prayers tomorrow morning. I have a job interview at the local Barnes and Noble. Considering when I turned my application in yesterday they told me that they weren't hiring, I was shocked to get a call from the manager today. He is even coming in on his day off to meet with me in the morning. This would be an excellent opportunity--full benefits, a job that I can leave at the job, close in proximity to the school and to where I will likely be living, a chance to work with people who won't look just like me in the aspects of school or church. Thanks for you prayers.

Today I write to you from my hotel room in Colorado Springs, CO.

Journey highlights:

Day 1:

• Exceptionally fired up praise for my last Sunday morning at PUMP.
• Tearful goodbyes from and to all my friends there.
• A beautiful ride through the Columbia River Gorge as rain clouds, mist, and sun rolled through.
• Brisket sandwiches for dinner, compliments of Karla Lowery.
• Listening to The Magician's Nephew and the first half of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Day 2:

• Extreme wind all the way through Wyoming.
• Quick visit to Walmart in Rock Springs.
• The second half of LWW and The Horse and His Boy.
• Surprisingly "low" gas prices.
• Arriving in Colorado Springs.

Day 3:

• Breakfast with Ryan and Steve before they left for Arlington.
• Unloading and getting rid of the U-haul trailer.
• Driving around the Springs looking at apartments, etc.
• Dinner at an old Train Depot.

More later....

Leaving Well

I was recently asked about my long absence from the blogging world (over 20 days since my last post). Why have I been so silent? I could blame it on a lack of time to post or busyness. But that would not be quite true. I could blame it on writer's block. But that would not be quite true either.

The truth is that my thoughts have been swirling so much that I hardly know what to write!

In six days time, I will clamor into my Blazer for the last time as a Portland resident--well, at least the last time in the foreseeable future. My thoughts on this are many, and I hardly know what to write to you all.

I don't think that the move hit home to me until this last weekend as I helped friends move into their new apartment. I suddenly realized that this would be me next weekend, but instead of moving a few blocks, I'm moving half-way across the country, again. I emphasize "again" because I am not exactly new to the cross-country move. After all, I moved from Abilene, Texas to Portland, Oregon less than two years ago. Plus the drives I took to Portland during my summers at ACU.

I remember well my last days in Abilene (and a little less well my last days in Lubbock prior to the ACU years). They were fast and furious, full of sentiment and excitement for the journey ahead. I remember a desire to "leave well," and at the time that meant forgoing sleep and my own sanity in order to pour into as many people as I could before leaving. I remember many amazing conversations with various friends and mentors. I remember a final trip to Longview to spend what I didn't know then would be my last moments with my grandfather. I remember saying goodbye to friends and family. Climbing in my Blazer and heading off into the wild blue yonder.

I left Abilene well. The Amanda I was then left Abilene very well. And I pray that the Amanda I am now will leave Portland equally well. I pray to go pouring out and pouring in. I pray to leave being poured into and accepting the love of so many around me. I pray to blaze forth into the new adventures that lay ahead of me in Colorado. I pray to leave not quite so exhausted, but saying what needs to be said and leaving unsaid what does not need to be said. I pray to fully enjoy the days of traveling with my father. I pray to leave without regret and to rejoice in all that God did in me and through me here. I pray to leave knowing that God goes before, with, and behind me. I pray to leave knowing my true identity--the child of the King, fully loved and fully know. I pray to leave as an apprentice of Jesus Christ.

Thank you to all of you who have walked with me on this journey in Portland. I look forward to many more times of rejoicing with you. Thank you to those who have supported me and prayed over my journey here. I look forward to your warm hugs and smiles and to sharing story after story with you. Thank you to my family who continue to support me in my radical escapades whatever state they might be in. Thank you to mentors who have walked with me in all parts of my journey here on earth. Thank you to friends who love me so unconditionally no matter how close they get to the ugly truth of my humanity. And thanks to the Lord, without whom I am nothing and through whom I can do everything.

How Strange It Is

Recently, I have had a lot of "How strange it is..." moments.

For instance, the one or two evenings that I actually sat down to watch historic Olympic moments, I was struck by how strange it is that from the comfort of my own living-room I can watch with perfect clarity and superb sound the happenings in Torino, Italy. This is amazing.

Another for instance, I was driving my newly refurbished Blazer, and pondered what a marvelous and strange thing a car really is. I cannot comprehend the mind that can figure out how to make a series of nuts and bolts work in such a fashion. I can comprehend how someone could come up with such a thing, but to actually make that thought into reality...astounding! Or for that matter, the computer, the internet, the refrigerator, every modern convenience.

A final for instance, last Sunday I was sitting in worship at PUMP enjoying a great sermon on Moses and all his unheroic like heroism, when the thought struck me of how strange it is that I worship in a two-story house crammed full of people in Portland, Oregon. How strange it is that a 23-year-old (almost 24, three cheers for my birthday this month!), white, single female from Lubbock, Texas found her way to Portland and has worshipped for the last two years with an urban church intent on shaping children into disciples of Christ.

This can't be the norm. In fact, I'm almost positive that it is not the norm. Yet the longer I live here, and even as I look toward heading to Colorado, I am growing more convinced that being a disciple of Jesus--being His student, His apprentice--requires a little, possibly a lot, of strangeness.

Jesus was not the norm throughout His life here. For some He was a breath of fresh air--the chance to live in freedom. For others His strangeness offended their way of life, which was totally unacceptable. Yet in all of His strangeness Jesus knew what was most important--to know God and be known by Him.

So maybe living life a little bit strange in an effort to remember what is most important is well worth it. It means having a Kingdom heart and a Kingdom life. It means putting new wine--apprenticeship to the strangeness of Christ--in new wineskins--a Kingdom reality lived out here and now. (Matt. 9:16-17) It means not loving my father or mother more, my son or daughter more, or any other thing more than I love Jesus. It means taking up a cross with full knowledge that the privelege of the prize--adoption by God--is greater than any pain I might endure. It means that whatever momentary pleasures offered by earthly life--physical, financial, or other--can be lost in order to live the fullness of a Kingdom life here and now. (Matt. 10:37-39)

Hmmm, maybe it is worth it to be a little bit strange...

Change in Velocity

Today brought a slow to the ever-increasing velocity at which my life has been spinning the past few months. I woke this morning and drove to Multonomah Falls, a beautiful waterfall in the Columbia Gorge. Once there I took the mile hike to the top and admired God's grandeur.

Standing watching water gush over the cliff, I spent some time reflecting on the past two years of my life--my time in Portland, Oregon--a time that is now coming to its end...

Only a few short months ago, Emily arrived at PUMP, our first Micah Project intern. Her work with the church and Portland Opportunities Industrialization Center (POIC), an alternative middle school and high school in North Portland, richly blesses our church and community. The lessons we have learned together are invaluable, and I have been so blessed by her coming.

During these months, we have been confronted by the blessings and the truths of what it means to run a year-long internship program. As we began Emily's internship, we discovered the true call of Micah Project--to transform Christian men and women into radical disciples of Christ and also realized the immense needs of our interns--—for discipleship, leadership training and nurturing.

As a small urban church, most of PUMP'’s resources and individual members'’ time are largely tapped in current ministry. Many of our church body are not in a position to provide the necessary nurturing interns require and continue in nurturing the current church body and their own families. Therefore, at this time, PUMP does not have the capacity to fill the need of future interns.

Realizing this, on the recommendation of Emily and I, the PUMP church leadership has decided to suspend Micah Project until the time when PUMP demonstrates the necessary capacity to nurture a team of interns. It is our great hope and prayer that Micah Project will return in the future. We fully believe in this ministry and its potential effectiveness for the Kingdom of God.

So this means changes. Emily will stay here through August, finishing her internship and working with the PUMP Summer Program. As for myself, I am making plans to attend Fuller Theological Seminary in the fall at the Colorado Springs extension campus.

The next two months will be spent saying goodbye to Portland, PUMP, and all those I dearly love here, traveling to Texas to love on my dear ones there, and moving to Colorado to settle in and prepare to start school in September.

I would appreciate your prayers as I make this transition. I am excited for what I will learn during these months of "sabbatical." It will be a grand adventure!

Revoluntionary Smarts

Who is the smartest person you know?

When I was five, I probably would have said my dad or my mom. Close to 20 years later, I am aware that while they are incredibly smart people, they are not the smartest I know.

Junior high and high school introduced me to a world of scientist, philosophers, and writers who at one time or other where probably the smartest people I could name--Einstein, Thoreau, Faulkner, MLK, Steven Hawking, Plato, Socrates, Leonardo, so on and so forth.

College introduced professors, modern and post-modern thinkers, theologians, socialists, etc.

But now, right now, today, who is the smartest person I know or know of?

I want to entertain what, as I read it last night, was a revolutionary idea for me--though I can't get past the fact that it shouldn't be so revolutionary. It makes perfect sense.

The smartest person I know is Jesus. The smartest man to ever walk this earth was Jesus--Rabboni as those closest to him knew him.

Currently Ike and I are walking our way through The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard and discussing Willard's radical (and yet somehow not quite so radical) theories of Christianity. As I read last night, I was hit over the head with the idea that Jesus really is smart.

He knew how to change molecular structure to turn common H2O to wine. He knew the ultimate antibodies for any disease. He could literally create matter from energy. "He knew how to suspend gravity, interrupt weather patterns, and eliminate unfruitful trees without ax or saw." Ethically, his understanding of life has influenced the world more than any man prior to him and any after. "And one of the greatest testimonies to his intelligence is surely that the knew how to enter physical death, actually to die, and then live on beyond death. He seized death by the throat and defeated it. Forget cryonics!"

What convicts me is this: how can I say that "Jesus is Lord" but not believe that Jesus is also smart? What teacher do I need besides Jesus who fully embodied God in his mortal flesh?

I am convicted that so often I find myself being a Beth Moore disciple, a Steven Covey disciple, a Tony Campolo disciple (insert any name of any teacher--big name or not, Christian or not). All of these people are wonderful teachers whom God has blessed with great talents. Yet I am convicted that Jesus, the smartest man ever, should always be my first and primary teacher. I need to be a disciple--radical follower--of Christ and Christ only. When Jesus is truly my Rabboni, then the truths spoken by other "lesser" teachers more fully enrich what Jesus teaches me.

Not long ago, I was impacted by the image of Mary Magdalene at the empty tomb as told by John. When Mary recognized Jesus, "she turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, 'Rabboni!' (which means 'Teacher'). Jesus said, 'Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father...'" (John 20:16-17).

Did you catch that? Did you catch the intimacy between Mary and her Jesus, her "Rabboni"? Mary's first response to this Jesus who she loved, this tender-hearted Jesus who had loved her in her lowest moment, was to reach out to embrace him. She knew Jesus intimately. That is the Teacher I desire. I desire to know Jesus as Mary knew him. Not as Messiah, Christ, Lamb of God, Lord of Lords--though he certainly is all those things. But as Jesus, my Rabboni, who is intimately known by me and I am intimately known by him. My perfect, most intelligent, teacher.

What's the saying? When it rains, it pours?

I really feel that saying today. Recently my '99 Chevy Blazer decided that it was tired. In being tired, he decided to rebel totally in order meet that felt need.

It began a few months ago when my driver's side door literally fell off. With the door hanging only from the bottom hinge, Emily and I bungied the door to the driver's seat and drove to Mackin's Auto Body. Apparently this is a common problem (though I had never heard of it happening) for trucks and SUVs.

A few weeks after getting my car back, I came outside to find the rear passenger's side tire completely flat. Tire completely damaged, cannot be prepared. New set of tires. In the midst of getting the new tires and getting them aligned, Les Schwab discovered that two parts were missing. Just missing. Apparently not a huge problem because they let me drive until the parts came in.

In the midst of the tire fiasco, my windshield got a huge crack in it. New windshield.

Then last night I noticed that my brakes were making a funny noise and were taking longer to stop the car. Mental note: Make time to get the brakes checked. Might have even done it this afternoon or tomorrow if my front bumper had not become so intimate with the rear bumper of a Toyota Tacoma.

I was on my way to pick up Alasha from work who, ironically, had gotten in a wreck about a week ago, leaving the Maxwell's carless. The Tacoma was stopped, blinker on, waiting to make a left-hand turn. I applied my brakes, shoved my foot to the floor, and between faulty brakes and wet roads slid right under him.

I tried to put the car in reverse and pull us apart so we could move to the side of the road. Didn't work. We were stuck together. It took the tow-truck guy about 45 minutes to pull us apart.

Driver of the Tacoma: 15-year-old Josh, Mom in the passenger seat. Poor kid. Not something you want to happen after you just finish driving school. They were incredibly nice about the whole thing. They live in Northeast Portland, as well, and attend Beaverton Four-Square Church. Of all the people I could have crashed into, I crashed into a couple of Christians (honestly not the most likely scenario in Portland). By the end of the whole messy scene, we were all standing around laughing. The tow-truck guy even commented that we were probably some of the happiest people after a wreck that he had ever seen.

We are all fine. Some soreness, but fine. My car is now back at Mackin's Auto Body (who I highly recommend, by the way). It drives fine--with the exception of the brakes--and hopefully has only cosmetic damage. We'll see...

Now feels like the time that I should "curse God and die" per the advice of Job's wife. The attacks on my car have been in conjunction with myriad attacks in other areas of my life. A lot of me says "I'm done," just done and ready to head Home--the heavenly home that is. But right now, I'm laughing. I think it is incredibly funny! After all its just a possession, and if piece by piece destroying my car is all the Enemy can muster, than Bring it on! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger is another saying I know. And I think somewhere I heard something about learning to be content in all circumstances and doing all things through Christ who strengthens me--check out Philippians.

In my laughter, I do ask for prayers. Pray for Josh and his Mom Michelle. I know this shook him up, and I saw some glimpses of some rougher things that are going on for them. Pray for an end to the attacks on myself and many others at PUMP who have had a lot of similar things happening. Pray for me to keep laughing and for joy to come in the midst of trial. Thanks!

Still Single

I was reading an article on ChristianityToday.com when I came across the following quote from a message delivered to a group of singles at a Joshua Harris New Attitude Conference in 2004:

I'm going to speak of the sin that I think besets this generation. It is the sin of delaying marriage as a lifestyle option among those who intend someday to get married, but they just haven't yet. … In heaven, is the crucible of our saint-making going to have been through our jobs? I don't think so. The Scripture makes clear that it will be done largely through our marriages. The longer you wait to get married, the more habits and lifestyle patterns you will have that will be difficult to handle in marriage. … If you're seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, or in your early twenties—what are you waiting for? -- Dr. Al Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

He went on to say that some are delaying marriage so that they can put their careers first or so sow their oats. As the author of the article eloquentlytly put it, "I don't know if I even have oats!"

To quote Bridget Jones when asked why their are so many single, working women these days, "I guess it doesn't help that under our clothes are entire bodies are covered in scales."

And this seems to be the attitude that our seminaries, other learning institutions, churches, and society in general take to explaining the emerging phenomenon of singledom. There must be something wrong with them. Though I have to admit that I believe society in general is doing a much better job at embracing singles than the church is doing. Hollywood and the publishing industry have done a great job at celebrating the single life through such TV shows, films and books as Friends, Sex and the City and Bridget Jones' Diary. It seems that society loves the idea and "freedom" of the single life.

However, while I appreciate and applaud the efforts to embrace singledom by society, I am left questioning and yearning for guidance of how I, someone with values and faith, live out the single life. The freedom of casual dating and sex, the materialism, tflagrantadisregardard for most things sacred, is not something that I can readily catch hold of. I long for the Church to step forward and take an active role in shaping me as a woman of God and a single. But instead I often run into walls like Dr. Mohler who seem to believe that sin or something just being wrong with me is the reason that I am not living the full life I was meant to live in God, i.e. marriage and family.

During a recent perusal of a well noted seminary's catalogue, I came across a class entitled "Ministry to Singles and Senior Adults." I hardly need tell you how offended I was. Really to honestly say that the lives of singles and senior adults are so similar that they should be lumped into one class? Or is the more subtle meaning "We haven't really figured out what to do with these two populations in the church so we're just going to through them together in one class"? I guess they couldn't really title it "Ministry to Outcast Populations in the Church" or "Ministry to the 'It's not so important to minister to' Populations".

Do I necessarily want to be single? Well, my answer is both yes and no. I look forward to what may lie ahead for me through marriage and a family. I want to understand Christ's love for the Church more clearly by understanding my husband's love for me. I want to understand God's love for me more clearly by knowing the intimate love of a husband and wife. BUT right now God is using my singleness to His glory, increasing the ministry He's given me, blessing me to know and understand myself better, and leading me to new and exciting paths in life. All of these things make me thank God that I am single and only have to deal with my own issues let alone someone else's.

I fear for the singledom crowd as more and more leave the Church because they cannot find a niche, because they feel isolated, because they continue in pressured expectations to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, etc. It's time that the Church truly begins to embrace singles and let aside old feelings that there must be something wrong with you if you are 24, 28, 34, etc. and still single.
We need the love, the hope, and the family!

Just for today...

Hook 'em Horns!

Go Big 12!

Just Showed Up
by Sara Groves and Joel Hanson

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Are you sure this is ESPN?

I thought that I must be dreaming, but I wasn't. The top story on my ESPN newsreader was titled "A Testament to Faith." Is this the right newsreader? Is this ESPN? Let me check, okay, yeah it is. Okay, "click." Must read this.

What I found was a beautiful story about the John Curtis football team--the high school team who won this year's Louisiana class 2A state championship. You can read this article here, and I highly encourage you to do so. The entire story is told through Psalm 127 and is the story of a group of coaches and young men who lived inspired lives over the last season as they and their families sorted through the shattered mess of their New Orleans home.

The End of the Tube

It has finally happened. My television set has finally died.

I can't decide if this is a tragic moment in which my life will be drastically deprived of the entertainment I so dearly love or a moment to rejoice in which I will be forced to pick-up that book that I have been meaning to read, spend some more time journaling or reading the Word, or spend some time simply being still and drinking in the prescence of God.

Hmmm, second option seems most appealing, but then I must be honest with myself that while I love being alone I also love to distract myself from the fact that I am alone. Droning hours without ER, Grey's Anatomy, and Survivor might be overwhelming.

Realistically, I am not without entertainment. The instrument which I currently use to share this tragedy with you continues to provide endless hours of music, cinematic pleasures in form of DVDs, and pages upon pages of web-surfing. I will still have plenty of distractions to keep me from those tasks that might be more pressing and might ought to be the first things in my life.

This could be a great opportunity to purge the clutter from my life, i.e. old VHS tapes that I rarely watch but yet continue to sit collecting dust. Or I could save my pennies and dimes (how much does a TV cost these days anyway) and purchase a brand-spankin' new TV with all of the amenities.

Hmmm...could be crucial moment in life--choosing to let go of my addictions, i.e. old VHS tapes, ER, Grey's Anatomy, Survivor, college football, hockey (well, already gave that up with ESPN's decision not to carry NHL games this season and my own decision to discontinue the cable), etc.

Question: Am I a strong enough person to live without small screen medium?
Better question: What kind of person can God shape me into without the constant influence of the "idiot box" in my life? (Looked up "television" on Thesaurus.com. "Idiot box" actually is listed as a synonym for television.)

Stay tuned for scenes from next weeks episode--The Decision.

Thanks for a Generous Act

gen·er·os·i·ty (n.) pl. gen·er·os·i·ties

1. Liberality in giving or willingness to give
2. Nobility of thought or behavior; magnanimity.
3. Amplitude; abundance.
4. A generous act.

Provided by Dictionary.com

Generosity is the core virtue for the month of December in our PUMP children's classes. Each week of the month, we discuss a different attribute of generosity. Today as I assisted in classes, I thought over all the generosity that has been shown to me over the past week. Last month's core virtue was gratitude. So I thought I'd take this opportunity to show gratitude for the generosity that has been shown to me:

• Thank you Ike and Kaelea for including me in all the "festivities" of your preparation to leave for Africa.
• Thank you Jessica for giving up extra sleep/study time on Thursday mornings to hang out with me.
• Thank you Sybil for the tickets to the Steven Curtis Chapman/Mercy Me Christmas concert.
• Thank you Kristi for thinking of me to share the free tickets you got to the concert with me.
• Thank you Cheronn for the tickets to the Portland premier of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
• Thank you Jill and Jake for not being too put out with me when I went to see the movie without you. It won't be the same, I know, but I'd like to see it again with you when I'm in Lubbock.
• Thank you Mom and Dad for the care-package full of fun Christmas decorations.
• Thank you Emily for letting me rant and openly share where I am at, and thank you for calmly sharing Truth with me when I'm looking right past it.
• Thank you Emily, Steve, Alasha and Cheronn for taking care of me yesterday when I was sick.
• Thank you Markell for being part of our lives at PUMP. Thank You God for Markell's adoption!
• Thank you Steve, Alasha and Jonah for making me so much a part of your life here.
• Thank You God for making me fearfully and wonderfully and giving me a heart made to be filled only by You.

And for all of those wonderfully good and generous things that happened throughout the week that I have forgotten. Thank you for each one!

On the Operating Table

I have a fascination with medical shows. I have been an ER addict since the beginning. Of course there have been spurts when I kicked my habit, but like a good addict I always return.

My latest addiction is Grey's Anatomy--fast-paced, insightful yet witty, and full of twenty-somethings struggling with the same battles I face as a twenty-something, i.e. loneliness, not quite finding my niche, feeling perpetually caught in between what was and what is to come. I identify with these people and the lives they lead (except for the premarital sex).

This morning as Emily and I sat down to discuss Abba's Child, our latest textual conquest on our journey towards radical discipleship, my addiction helped me to put together a rather vivid word picture of where I currently am in my life:

In me there is a huge, gaping, bloody wound--a war wound if you will--a wound that has been bleeding for years. This wound causes me much grief, pain, and heartache--it is an emptiness within me. Over time I have stuffed the wound full of gauze as if doing triage on a battlefield. My strips of gauze are relationships, material possessions, past-times, etc., anything that provides a little bit of temporary relief and keeps the blood from pouring out. The gauze serves its purpose but does not serve it well.

This week one of those strips of cause that had been there for sometime, caked with dried blood, was removed. I can't begin to describe to you the pain of having it ripped off, tearing at the flesh and reopening the wound. But yet this is a reminder...

This is a reminder, incentive really, to get myself to the operating table. It's time, past time, to unpackage the wound, mend the insides, and close the wound. It's time for something beyond gauze. It's time for the Great Physician in all His glory to take scalpel in hand and fix the broken bits of me. It is time to let Him heal the wound, fill it with Himself, and carefully close it up.

On ER and Grey's when they tell a patient they have to have surgery, that patient never looks too excited. They never jump for joy at the thought of having their flesh cut open and human hands poking around their insides trying to fix the problem. That leads me to believe that I don't want to get to excited about surgery, even a metaphorical one, even when the Surgeon is God. But what the patients do get excited about is when they hear their is a 90% survival rate or they dream of what life will be like post-surgery. So I have no doubt that removing the rest of the gauze is going to hurt like duct-tape ripping the hair off your arms and that the surgery will be long and complicated, but the end result is grace and mercy and a Spirit-filled life--life how it was meant to be lived--as a child of God, an heir to His Kingdom.

Father, fill me with you. Fill my emptiness with You. Tear down the idols in my life. Rip away the addictions. Lead me to the place of brokenness, and in that place allow Your healing hands to go to work in my life. You are my hope, Lord, fill me.

"Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will really is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thank to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:15-20

If that doesn't reach out and grab your heart strings, what will?